I was talking to two of guy friends earlier when I shared to them that "I'm broken hearted..." Ang hirit nung isa "binasted ka?!" Hahaha! loko yun eh, pero sabi ko nga- it's not like I'm broken hearted over a guy or over "love life" ek-ek. Mahirap lang tlaga para sa akin to share it to people because I'm still hurting. Sabi ko pa sa dalawa- "..it doesn't involve a guy pero it invloves some one I love... some one close to me..." tpos tinawana uli nila ako! "so it's a girl?! Naku Rajsh, mahirap yan..." Hahaha ulet! Ang kukulet ng mga mokong! Pero ayun nga, mahirap pa syang i-explain...
It actually happened, I think December of last year (kelan ba nag-showing yung Happy Feet, yun kasi yung naaalala ko. Hehe!)When I learned about the "thing" which really broke my heart into pieces. Parang nagunaw ang mundo ko at nasisi ko ang ibang tao, including myself, because of what I have learned. It hurt me so much kasi mahal ko yung taong involve at hindi ko talaga alam how to deal with it. I thought I was able to ran away from it nung nakalimutan ko na lang sya. Pero hindi pala tlga, sabi ko nga God is dealing with me so I have to deal with it.
It was last week when a person was used by God to remind me of that "thing", it was like I heard God calling my attention- "Hey Rajsh, it's time... time to deal with it... time to forgive!" At waaaahhhhh! Naiyak talaga ako, bigla akong nalungkot at parang naging emotionally distracted for a few days, pero GO lang!
I remember I asked God for cleansing, for continiously cleansing my heart. And I can say that this is part of it! I have to forgive myself so I can forgive the person involve. I have been praying for the past few days for wisdom and guidance. Gusto ko syang i-share sa isang kristyanong friend kasi I need help, hindi ko kayang dalhin ng mag-isa ang burden na ito.
Naalala ko din na I have shared this to two people... Uhm, make it three pala! Haha, pero mga non-christian friends yun eh! And I dont'think it woudl be right to consult to thie opinion once again. I mean, it's not like hindi magand or mali yung mga advices nila sa akin, just so happen that this time I really would love a christian friend's point of view.
I have been praying for at least one or two person that I can share this to... This really burdens me...
"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."