Friday, April 8, 2016

Thanking God on Friday!

I just thought of starting a series of thanksgiving items every Friday. I hope mapanindigan ko. Haha! 

Thanking the Lord for the following:

1. Our Mitsubishi Mirage has been on board for Uber since Tuesday! Yay! After months of waiting, finally naka-byahe na rin. Extra source of income to help pay the car loan. 

2. Though stats wise, I am not doing well at work, I thank the Lord for how He has changed my heart towards work. Hindi na kagaya last year na gustong gusto kong magresign. 

3. For people who have been telling me they are praying for me and for reminding me to focus my eyes on Jesus. 

4. For my y-group members and brethren in Connect ministry who keep me sane and is being used by God to help me want to be on track. 

5. For God's provision kahit na madalas sa tingin ko kulang na ang budget, still He makes sure na we do not lack resources to pay for the bills that we need to pay.

6. For those friends in the office who makes me smile. 

7. And of course, for Jesus, the ultimate love of my soul who never gives up on me. Who is always gracious and patient. 

Until next Friday! Looking forward for more things to thank the Lord for! ☺️

Friday, October 16, 2015

The Lord is good!

After months of going through a trying phase which includes – depression, emotional breakdown, agitation and more more stress, I can wholeheartedly say now that the Lord is still good! He remained to be faithful despite my unfaithfulness to Him for the past few months that I struggled trusting Him and being satisfied in Him; by being content with what I have and where I’m currently at in my life. I can now joyfully say that it was indeed necessary for my sanctification and I thank Him for that.

No, I am not proud of how my disposition was in the last few months.  I really thought I’d quit. Well, I did feel like I wanted to, but then the Lord had other plans. It took a while, but after being intentional in wrestling with Him through prayer and reading/meditating on His word, I have come to realize the reason why I suffered a sort of "self-inflicted depression."  It was because I was focusing too much on myself, what I think I lack, what I think I need, what I think I must have and all sorts of “what I…” I dwelt too much on things na gusto ko makuha pero alam kong di ko naman agad pwede makuha so nag paka brat ako before the Lord. I even became angry at Him (shame on me) for not giving me what I want.  It was too much, I was so full of myself and it was really dark phase to be in.
Yet while I was on my gloomy side, the Lord still made me feel loved by blessing me with people whom He used to get my attention back to Him.

First was the surprise birthday bash my Connect family gave me, it was planned by two of the ladies I’m discipling, Olive and She, and was attended by almost all of the Connect growth groups.

I really cried when I saw what they did for me. They set up a room for me, may photo booth, they brought food for my handa, I received a number of gifts and then I got a bouquet of roses pa.  

Teary-eyed me with ate Lea who gave me flowers.
Some of the gifts I received from my Connect family. And look at those eye bags! Hahaha!

My handa. 

With the Connect Ladies

And the Connect Men!
It was really humbling and unexpected. I never thought I’d receive such surprise after being out of the picture since I was on leave for the whole month of August in my Connect involvement.  John told me after that night “Kita mo, madaming tao ang nagmamahal sayo.” Just affirming!

Second was our Balesin Island Trip, a belated wedding gift by our Ninong, Tito Mike Asperin.  It was also a chance for John and I to have a moment na kaming dalawa lang in celebration of our third year anniversary as husband and wife.

First night in paradise!
We had Greek dinner at Thanassis Taverna, at Mykonos Village. 

Grabbed from Tita Charu's facebook.
This was day 2, we had brunch at Warung, Bali Village with the Asperin Couple and Doc Jovic.

Feeling wala sa Pinas pose. Bumalik kami sa Mykonos Village, my favorite village in Balesin.

At Toscano Village. Photo credit to Tito Mike. 

With our beloved Ninong, Tito Mike Asperin.
Thank You, Lord for him!
Day 3 and we went back at Mykonos to experience the whirlpool tub/jacuzzi!

That trip was so of God! It was really humbling and it made me speechless to receive a gift, an expensive one may I say, that I know with my current state na hindi ko deserve.  I really felt like God was humbling me when I first saw our booking confirmation.  I cried. Yung feeling na hindi ka na nga deserving pero bini-bless ka pa rin? Yun ang feeling ko talaga.  Meron pa sa part ko na parang ayoko tanggapin pero naisip ko na lang na, parang grace lang ni God itong gift na ito, hindi ako deserving pero binigay pa rin sa akin, sa amin ni John and so inenjoy at nagpasalamat na lang kami. The experience was memorable not just because the place was a paradise but also because of the stories Tito Mike and Tita Charu shared with us, a story of God's faithfulness in their life na talaga naman lalong nang-rebuke and nang-encourage sa akin. It was really, God-ordained.  John and I were so blessed by that thre-day vacation. 

I thought after the Balesin trip I’ll be totally okay. Hindi pa pala. May mga ilan pa rin akong naging eksena and then it took a fight with John para talaga magkaroon ako ng major turning point to realize things. Napakabuti pa rin ng Panginoon, He really made a way para maging maayos ang heart ko.  Sa mga quiet times ko lately and Bible reading ina-affirm Nya lang ako na kailangan ko lang ma-satify sa Kanya because He is the only One who can truly satisfy all my needs. Sabi Nya sa Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Hindi pala ako nagde-delight sa Kanya at kaya lumayo ang heart ko at hindi ko ginusto kung ano ang gusto ng heart Nya, kung ano ang will Nya for me kaya ako naging miserable. Huhu! And just like the Samaritan woman at the well with whom Jesus revealed Himself to be the Messiah, I have found myself somewhat telling God "Sir, give me this water so that I won't get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water." -John 4:15 and then Jesus answered na Sya ang living water.  It was a great reminder for me.  Oo nga naman di ba? Nag lo-long ako ng mga bagay na hindi naman talaga makakasatisfy sa akin, while all along the Lord is with me.  And ayun na nga, because I'm so full of myself, di ko nakita agad yun. Ang haba pa tuloy ng pinagdaanan kong mga eksena.

Pero ayun nga, ang galling lang. The Lord is really good!  He still did not let go of me even if I felt like REALLY giving up.

Allow me to share my devotion the other day na sobrang relate na relate ako, "God heals by humbling" by John Piper:

“I have seen his ways, but I will heal him; I will lead him and restore comfort to him and his mourners, creating the fruit of the lips. Peace, peace, to the far and to the near,” says the LORD, “and I will heal him.” (Isaiah 57:18–19)
In spite of the severity of man’s disease of rebellion and willfulness, God will heal. How will he heal? Verse 15 says that God dwells with the crushed and humble. Yet the people of verse 17 are brazenly pursuing their own proud way. What will a healing be?
It can only be one thing. God will heal them by humbling them. He will cure the patient by crushing his pride. If only the crushed and humble enjoy God’s fellowship (v. 15), and if Israel’s sickness is a proud and willful rebellion (v. 17), and if God promises to heal them (v. 18), then his healing must be humbling and his cure must be a crushed spirit.
Isn’t this Isaiah’s way of prophesying what Jeremiah called the new covenant and Jeremiah called a new heart? He said, “Behold, the days are coming, says the Lord, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel . . . I will put my law within them and I will write it upon their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people” (31:31, 33).
Isaiah and Jeremiah both see a time coming when a sick, disobedient, hard-hearted people will be supernaturally changed. Isaiah speaks of healing. Jeremiah speaks of writing the law on their hearts.
So the healing of Isaiah 57:18 is a major heart transplant — the old hardened, proud, willful heart is taken out and a new soft, tender heart is put in which is easily humbled and crushed by the memory of sin and the sin that remains.
This is a heart that the lofty One whose name is Holy can dwell with and give life to.

I thank Him because He is just wise like that. And I am now looking forward for better days, for a better me na not full of me but full of Him. I pray He’ll find me faithful again, by His grace syempre.  The Lord is still good and indeed His mercy endures forever! 

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Had a bad day

It was a bad day today at work.  And I hate myself.

Why does it always have to happen when I'm having a post-menstrual-syndrome?  I got a failed QA at work and had a coaching session with my team lead and it was bad.  I cried out of annoyance.  And then later I regret that I reacted that way.

Yup, this is me. This is the rajshbratinella in me that I'm struggling dealing with.  I am praying and really looking forward to that day that I'll be a better me, that I can truly say I am more Christ-like.

I want to quit work.  Oh if only I could, I really would.

Oh yeah, it was a bad day! I'll stop na. Just want to let it out a bit.


Friday, September 25, 2015

On wanting God again for a better Rajsh

I have just read Ephesians chapter one and this is how I prayed and responded to God after reading His word.

"Forgive me Lord for I know I have not been faithful to You...  I am so ashamed of myself and really feel unworthy of You...  But still, thank You for reminding me that You have called me to be holy and blameless before You on the account of Christ's finished work at the cross.

Thank You also for reminding me that the intention of Your will is kind and out of Your unconditional love for me... That You purposed for ll things to work together for my good.

I indeed ask Lord that You please give me wisdom and revelation of knowledge of Christ... That my heart be enlightened and see clearly (once again) the hope of my calling in You... And once again desire to bring glory to Your name.

Help me Lord be patient with myself and with You as You lead me back to You again.

Sorry again Lord for failing You. "

I sure am hoping for a "better Rajsh" in the coming days, by God's grace. Amen. ☺️

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Happy Birthday Sheila!

The photo doesn't really do justice in showcasing how nice, kind, sweet, and thoughtful this lady is.
And oh, she is a breath of fresh air too! :)

To a very dear friend friend, sister in Christ, business partner, and a sweetheart, happy happy birthday today, She-she!

9 And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment,10 so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, 11 filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God. -Philippians 1:9-11

It's been really awsome to have had the privilege of journeying with you! And yep, I miss our time together.

Our first together, two years ago.

Throwback two years ago:
Because we have the same birthday month!

Our first together January this year. 
I thank God for using you to be my source of encouragement and help.  And just like everyone else, it is really a blessing to have you in my life, in many ways that I think I have told you naman na din. Hehe.  May you continue to grow in the Lord, by His grace, for His glory.

Welcome to the line of three. Hehe. I love you She! Thanks again for being such a sweetheart! ☺

Ps... John prayed for you kanina before our dinner. Dinamay nya sa prayer nya for our food. Hehe. 

Monday, August 3, 2015

Birthday Wish List

I'll be turning 31 on the 25th of this month. Wala naman siguro masama na magsulat ng wish list ko ano? Hehe. Libre naman ang mangarap right?

In no particular order:

  • More time to rest and more time to be busy at home - no explanation needed. Haha!
  • A trip to Baguio on my own - to have a personal silent retreat. And yes, Baguio talaga! Gusto ko ma-enjoy ang OMF Baguio Home or PBTS siguro, if possible. 
  • A large teddy bear - I wanted a dog sana kaso di pa namin kaya ni John mag-alaga money and time wise, so I thought having a teddy bear that I can sleep with and hug at night will do. Haha! Natatawa ako sa explanation ko. 
  • Foot massage - my feet are just tired like me. 
  • New mobile phone - because what I have now is giving up on me again. Twice na ako nagpalit ng battery, few months old pa lang ang charger ko and yet bumibigay na naman ang baterya. Hindi na ako mag-sa-Samsung after this. 
  • A weekend picnic date in UP Diliman Sunken Garden with one or two people dear to me. 
  • Slow juicer - baka sakali na ma-engganyo akong seryosohin ang healthy diet. LOL!
  • Vacuum cleaner - para mas simot ang dumi sa bahay.
  • A date with my discipler-ninang-teacher Carol - which will happen this month! Wohoo! Sana walang aberya on the date she've set for us to meet. Hehe. It's been a year since we last saw each other, August 2014. 
So there... If God would allow it lang naman, those'll be great as birthday gifts for me! Pero kung hindi naman, kahit yung rest na lang po Lord please? Hihi. May tawad pa di ba? :-p

Anyway, itutulog ko na nga ito. Gabi na. Ktnxbai. :)

On Leave

I have just "filed" for a leave for one month from my Connect Ministry involvement.  I'm taking a break so I can physically rest and at the same time, Lord-willing, further assess/discern where I'm at in my walk.

I have been in touch with a number of counselors in our church and REST is one of their major recommendation for me. Which is an affirmation! Yehey!

I'm still praying that my application for a Leave of Absence (LOA) from work be approved.  I'm also looking at taking a break from work for 30 to 45 days so I can rest and be busy at home with John.

While "on leave" I'll probably be updating this blog more often.  I want to record my journey on this trying phase that I'm going through right now.

Sigh. I'm really super hoping and praying to be really okay soon.