Your grace still amazes me

My faithful Father, enduring Friend
Your tender mercy's like a river with no end.
It overwhelms me, covers my sin.
Each time I come into Your presence
I stand in wonder once again.

Your grace still amazes me.
Your love is still a mystery.
Each day I fall on my knees
Because Your grace still amazes me.
Your grace still amazes me.

O patient Savior,
You make me whole.
You are the Author and
The Healer of my soul.
What can I give You?
Lord, what can I say?
I know there's no way to repay You.
Only to offer You my praise.

Your grace still amazes me.
Your love is still a mystery.
Each day I fall on my knees
Because Your grace still amazes me.
Your grace still amazes me.

It’s deeper,
It’s wider,
It’s stronger,
It’s higher.

It’s deeper (it’s deeper),
It’s wider (it’s wider),
It’s stronger (it’s stronger),
It’s higher (it’s higher)
Than anything my eyes can see

Your grace still amazes me
Your love is still a mystery
Each day I fall on my knees
Because Your grace still amazes me.
Your grace still amazes me.

Broken hearted...

I was talking to two of guy friends earlier when I shared to them that "I'm broken hearted..." Ang hirit nung isa "binasted ka?!" Hahaha! loko yun eh, pero sabi ko nga- it's not like I'm broken hearted over a guy or over "love life" ek-ek. Mahirap lang tlaga para sa akin to share it to people because I'm still hurting. Sabi ko pa sa dalawa- "..it doesn't involve a guy pero it invloves some one I love... some one close to me..." tpos tinawana uli nila ako! "so it's a girl?! Naku Rajsh, mahirap yan..." Hahaha ulet! Ang kukulet ng mga mokong! Pero ayun nga, mahirap pa syang i-explain...

It actually happened, I think December of last year (kelan ba nag-showing yung Happy Feet, yun kasi yung naaalala ko. Hehe!)When I learned about the "thing" which really broke my heart into pieces. Parang nagunaw ang mundo ko at nasisi ko ang ibang tao, including myself, because of what I have learned. It hurt me so much kasi mahal ko yung taong involve at hindi ko talaga alam how to deal with it. I thought I was able to ran away from it nung nakalimutan ko na lang sya. Pero hindi pala tlga, sabi ko nga God is dealing with me so I have to deal with it.

It was last week when a person was used by God to remind me of that "thing", it was like I heard God calling my attention- "Hey Rajsh, it's time... time to deal with it... time to forgive!" At waaaahhhhh! Naiyak talaga ako, bigla akong nalungkot at parang naging emotionally distracted for a few days, pero GO lang!

I remember I asked God for cleansing, for continiously cleansing my heart. And I can say that this is part of it! I have to forgive myself so I can forgive the person involve. I have been praying for the past few days for wisdom and guidance. Gusto ko syang i-share sa isang kristyanong friend kasi I need help, hindi ko kayang dalhin ng mag-isa ang burden na ito.

Naalala ko din na I have shared this to two people... Uhm, make it three pala! Haha, pero mga non-christian friends yun eh! And I dont'think it woudl be right to consult to thie opinion once again. I mean, it's not like hindi magand or mali yung mga advices nila sa akin, just so happen that this time I really would love a christian friend's point of view.

I have been praying for at least one or two person that I can share this to... This really burdens me...

"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."
-Galatians 6:2

Doing what is right

... to glorify God!


It happened yesterday evening, when Majar and I went to 7/11 get something to eat:

Myself: miss, ano bang sizes ng mga drinks nyo?
Cashier: Regular, Meduim and Large po
Myself: Oh sige, yun na lang meduim. Magkano yun?
Cashier: 18 pesos po... 16oz po yun.

(I gave her my payment and then went to a table)

Myself: Majar, ikaw na nga kumuha nung drinks, Meduim ha.

(He went off and get the drinks for me)
(It was few minutes after I zipped my iced tea when I realized that it was 22oz that Majar brought me, nagtaka ako bakit 22oz kinuha nya so I asked...)

Myself: bkit eto kinuha mo? Large ata 'to eh, 16oz daw yung meduim diba?
Majar: eh yun lang ang nakalagay eh, regular tpos yan... hati na lang tayo.

(inom pa din ako... at napapaisip for a while what to do... and then I ended up approaching the cashier back)

Myself: Miss, for how much yung 22oz na drink?
Cashier: 23 pesos po.
Myself: dagdagan ko na lang, 22oz kasi yung nakuha eh...

Lesson of the story?

Well, doing what is right is giving honor and glory to God! It was not merely for me to feel na "mabait ako" and stuff like that, but rather more of a feeling na "God can see me, even if people (or the cashier for instance) is not aware of what happened..." and I could have gotten away from it easily kasi "petty thing" lang naman sya. But I remebered, there's no such thing as "petty sin", a sin is a sin! Walang category kung gaano ka-liit or gaano ka-laki. It's just amazing kasi I'm now able to do it.. I mean being honest, before I just go away with it lang. Ang misconception ko kasi nuon kay God is; He has this monitor over the world and He's watching over us at namimis-out nya yungb mga small details na kagaya nito. Akala ko dati malayo sya... yung ganun effect? Hehe...


One of the things God used to remind me of Him being OMNIPRESENT was the illustration of Martin Luther (the monk, as shared by P. Jon nung Monday) he was asked how do we live for God, and he answered "Live as though God's Face is near you,He sees everything that you do..." something like that! I forgot the 2-greek word of how he said it exactly pero ganun yung thought. At ayun na nga, sobrang God gave me the urge and the burden to act upon it, TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT and Honor and Glorify His name...

And I'm so proud of it! I'm so proud that it's not me, it's God, the one who continues to work in my life... I may fall short and sin pero andyan lagi Sya to make alalay and to forgive me on my mistakes...

Spiritually High...

Yes I am! I have never been this close to God, never in my life I have been this "hyper-for-Christ"... And i am happy about it! I'm just so glad that God is teaching me, everyday to become more like Him.

For the past few months, as I have recalled, ewan ko ba... Ang galing kumilos ni God sa buhay ko! It started when I moved from SITEL to JP Morgan Chase. Para sa akin yun tlga yung turning point ko! I felt God speaking to me during my training days, that was in Febuary, nung maaksidente si Raya, tapos nakunan si Paz, tapos nagka-galit kami ni Mira, tpos nawala yung d900 ko... Haaayyy, sunod-sunod kaya yun! But I can really say that God prepared me, that's why He let me experience those things. I have felt He was really speaking to me nung mga panahong yon, i learned how to put my trust on Him, to focus on Him alone, I learened the value of "where your treasure is, where your heart is" and to worship Him even in taking calls at work! Mga ganung bagay... At kaya ayun nga, I turned out to be like what I am right now.

I praise God for the manifestations that I AM CHANGED! Mich, an old friend from ICT saw how God changed me, how He changed my heart. Sherwin, an old friend from ICT as well, keeps on thanking me for being so mabait to him and I just keep on reminding him that it's not me, it's God who's working in my life and to his... At maraming pang tao ang nakaka-pansin ng pagbabago sa buhay ko!

I was also surprised na hndi na ako nag-mumura sa mga customers ko... Grabe naiiyak ako sa sobrang tuwa! It has been my prayers since I was 17yrs old na tanggalin sa akin ni God yung bad-words pero ayun at talaga pa lang proseso sya at it took some time! Before I knew it God changed my heart. I have learned to forgive myself and to forgive my dad and mom and Mira too! I'm just overwhelmed to see how the works of His hands are moving in my life... An how it is affecting other people's lives too!

I have become a World-Class Christian, sobrang up-beat yung feeling ko over doing my part in the "Great Commission". And I am now taking the lead in our Call center Ministry at GCF, isa pa sa mga isang bagay na hindi ko naisip na magagawa ko.

I remember way back when I was still with Sitel, ginusto ko ng umalis sa Call Center industry at ma-missionary na lang... Pero God told me to stay, kasi nga eto ang mission field ko! Wow! Nkaka-amaze at nakaka-takot pero excited ako! Yung prayer ko nga kay God nung birthday ko was - "Here I am Lord, send me! I wan you to use me for your ministry!" And I can feel that God is answering my prayers...

I have grown so much inlove with Christ and His people. Mas naging concern ako ngayon sa mga tao around me na hindi pa nakakakilala... Mahirap sya at minsan talaga it gets so frustrating pero ayun nga, excited ako! Soibrang God is teaching me to be patient and trust His timing... Sobrang pinag-pe-pray ko din na He continue to cleanse my heart baka kasi hindi ko namamalayan inaagaw ko na sa Kanya yung credit and glory i'm not worthy of.

So basta, I'm spiritually high right now... Contagious nga daw ako kasi sobrang taas ng energy ko! And I praise God for it... And give all the glory back to him, and to Him alone!

'was pissed off

>>>09/13/2007 07:32 AM

Hi ms. gel,

I'm sorry if I'm going to be emotional about it.

my record would proof that I'm a "suki" in escalating calls, there's few reason why, aht wise, to save time of our customer, if the answer provided (ccp level) would be just the same or if i can de-escalate the call at all, i will not ask for an escalation.

but it has gotten into my head that there's few CAP's around that would really make me feel "utang na loob" ko sa kanila yung escalationl. one reason pa yun bkit ayoko magpa-escalate, I'm even risking the info I'm giving and my csat and my quality because i hate the feeling, it's like IN YOUR FACE na pananabla and it really is making me feel so bad about my self. ilang beses ko na po kasing naransan 'to at pinalampas ko lang pero i can't contain it anymore. I have nothing against that person but then there's a part of me that's been hurt, not once but a couple of times.

I just want to be heard. I don't want to sound too self-righteous and self-focused about it pero sana maramadaman ko sa kanila that they perform according to their job description and that they would love their job! it would take a lot of maturity and selflessness para ma-accomplish yun pero i know that it's possible kasi pare-pareho lang naman tyong nagtatrabaho dito.

pasensya na po tlga if i have to consume lots of aux 2 today. pinapaiyak ako nung feeling eh. thanks po!


>>>09/14/2007 12:14 AM

hi rajsh,

im not aware about it and thank you for bringing this into my attention. don't be sorry, im sure there's nothing that we cannot resolve or talk about. i'll have you in aux 4 later so we could discuss this fully. my advise right now is dont let this kind of things affect you or your performance.. if you have any questions, feel free to approach me... wag ka ng magisip

Never been this happy!

And I can't contain it! It just overflows... And yeah just like what my blog says I'm "overwhelmed"!

Why is that? The things is, there's just so many reasons why... I don't even know where to start!

Well sige na nga, I'll share some things na papasok sa utak ko:
-I'm very happy to be making impact to my family, esp yo majar and raya! I feel so bless to become a blessing for them! Earlier I had a pep talk with majar I told him about the "wake up call" that if we really love our family we have to ensure they'll be with us in heaven when we die... sabi nya sa akin "na-pressure naman ako sa sinabi mo!". At medyo natigilan din ako, hehe! Parang, "oo nga noh, that's a lot of work to do!" pero bumawi ako at sabi ko kay bunso "..ganun tlga, for the lov of God and His people!"

-Another one would be my good dilemma, haha! After God revealed to me that the guy I have prayed for since March was not "the one", eto na may new guy next in line! Hahaha! Wala lang, nakakatuwa lang, I have never told anyone who he is kasi ayokong tuksuhin ako at ayokong kiligin ako over it! Baka kasi ma-sobrahan at hindi ko na ma-discern ng maayos ang will ni Lord, so ayun I leave it up to Him. All I'm praying for is that if it's His will so be it. And yeah, it really is a good dilema kasi may mga manifestation na pinapakita si God sa akin galing dito sa new guy na 'to! At nakakatuwa!

-I feel so privileged and so very happy to be a blessing to the people in the call center ministry, ayun! Last Sunday I have prayed for Claire after our Theology 1 class, I never thought that it would be that powerful! She told us that the devil was there and when i said the prayer "...would you cover her with your blood Father, and in Jesus name, Satan leave this girl alone!" the devil flew! And I praise God for using me, it was an amazing experience that really left me in awe. As is grabe! I praise God that Claire was relieved! And I'm still praying for her.

-My Tuesday was awesome! I was invited by my boss, Barry Marshall, who happens to be an elder in Union Church of Manila, to attend the worship for young-adults because it was P. Ro that's preaching. And we surprised him (p.Ro) kasi it was when we were few blocks away from UCM when I called him to say that we're going to see him preach. Hehe, also nice to see GCF's band play and lead the praise and worship, andun sila Buds, tpos si P. Euge andun din! At nakaka-tuwa na nakasama ko din sila Darwin and Louie.

And so there... those are just few things! At marami pang mga bagay... I told mama about these things sabi nya "write about it so that more people can rejoice with you?" So here I am... REJOICE WITH ME!

REALIZATIONS

Account of things learned and realized:
(in no particular order, hehe)

1. There's this guy I have been praying for since March... God is somewhat revealing to me, he's not the one! And I'm okay about it. I can see it too, he's a boyfriend material but it's very obvious that he's not a husband material.Hehe! weird things is, I have been praying for for months and when I realized what i just realized I'm not disappointed.

2. I'm a year older and I've never been happy!

3. I once asked God for a christian-accountable-partner friend to come in my life, and then He gave me- Osie. Ye hey!

4. I was so happy to see Papa on my birthday, he prayed for me and up to now I'm crying with so much gladness kapag naaalala at napapanood ko yung video.

5. This will be another exciting year of my life, that I'm very sure of!

6. I'm making strong impact on Raya's life (that's according to mama) at oo nga, mukha nga.

7. I asked mama to pray for sager, jv and shanwar on June 26, her text message goes like: "ready for God's work? 'Consecrate yourselves, for the Lord will do amazing things among you.' Let us claim this as we cross our Jordan. Been praying for sager, jv and shanwar." text message as of 062607/6:58 am, si shanwar na lang hindi nagiging christain! & I will claim victory over it na, ngayon plng!

8. I'm moving people's lives daw (according to sager)

9. I inspired her to become a better person (according to divine)

10. I love my job because i don't consider it as just plain source of income, but rather a ministry, a mission field.

11. I see people now as prospects to be won over from this fallen world to Christ Jesus my Lord and saviour!

12. "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."
-Colossians 3:12-14

13. I'm holding accountable for lots of people and I'm happy about it!

14. It's a blessing to become a blessing to others!

15. I feel more privilege now to pray for someone.

16. Please Be Patient God Is Not Finish With Me Yet.

17. I'm taking the lead in Connect, my prayer right now is for me not to rob God the glory and credit.

18. Why am I getting distracted over a man when i see him? & why did i magnify this small details about him? Waaaahhhh! this can't be! hahaha!

19. God changed me to become the better person He wants me to be.

20. My accent improved, it's more neutralized! yeah, the Americans can't even recognize where I'm from. hehe!

21. Tinawag akong "pastora" ni p. Euge! loko yun eh...