In relation to my entry: Contemplating (Part II)
Jan 22 @ 5:32am, I texted this to John:
"Naiyak ako kanina love... Sobrang inis ko... sarap nya sapakin eh. Nakakabwisit humirit. Pero mabait tlga si Lord kasi He kept me still at di ako pumatol at sumagot pabalang... Pero after tlga naiyak ako. Para akong bata na nagsusumbing kay Lord.. He is dealing with my attitude. Masakit pero, oks lang."
And then we saw each other past 6am... I told him my story, before we parted ways, I asked him-- "Wala kang masasabi?" He just asked me these-- "Bakit kailangang sabihin mo sa kanya yun? Na kaya tuloy nasabihan ka ng ---? "
I stopped, and thought about what really is inside my heart... Na ang nasabi ko na lang kay John ay-- "Oo nga noh? Parang ang yabang ko pala nun at may pride pa rin ako... "
Pagkadating ko sa bahay, ganito na yung text ko kay John @ 7:04am:
"I'm home na love. Thank you, I feel better now... InExpose na naman ni God kung ano tlga ang nasa heart ko at tunay nga na He wants me to change... Mas malinaw ngayon sa akin. =)"
Then I went to my 'silent sanctuary' and spent quality time with the Lord, around 8:05am.
This was my prayer then:
"Thank You-- all things work for the good for those who belong to You! Thank You for C, for L, and for John--whom You used to comfort me and expose what really is in my heart.
Lord, mali po ako--ang yabang ko nga po at masyado akong nagmataas at ayun nga, sinasabi ko sa sarili ko that Your are good and still sovereign but my attitude tells (You and me) otherwise. Forgive me Lord, for disregarding your sovereignty in my life once again... Forgive me 'cause i failed to apply what I told A (my disciple) to do... =(
But then again... Thank You for being so faithful na kahit paano sumunod ako sa Inyo, na kahit paano naging conscious ako sa paligid. Thank You Lord, kasi Ikaw po ang may gawa kung bakit hindi ako sumagot pabalang at hindi Nyo po hinayaang masira ko na naman ang testimony ko... And again, thank You, Lord Jesus for correcting my attitude, for dealing with me real hard. Thank You, Lord!
'Attitude do not just happen; we choose them.' -Blackaby
'Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus...' -Philippians 2:5
I pray Lord na patuloy Nyo pong i-reveal sa akin ang sarili ko... At patuloy Nyo po akong baguhin... Thank You for Your patience Father! Hindi pa po talaga kayo tapos sa akin.
As for the person Lord, please do not let me give up on her. She is still my friend and I want her to know You. Sana Lord gamitin Nyo pa rin ako to minister to her. I hope Lord I would see her and look at her according sa perspective Nyo. Sana po Lord, makabawi ako at maipadama ko sa kanya na love ko sya. Sana Lord, makita ka pa rin nya sa akin, sa buhay ko. Thank You Lord, for using her as a tool in correcting and molding me... Bless her Lord and I really pray she would come to know You.
Thank You po uli... Prepare me now Father as I read and study Your Word... Open the eyes of my heart so that I will see You...
In Jesus' name, I pray, amen. =) "
The Lord lead me to read John 17:25-26
"O righteous Father! The world has not known You, but I have known You; and these have known that You sent Me. 26 And I have declared to them Your name, and will declare it, that the love with which You loved Me may be in them, and I in them."
And then, hindi pa don natatapos ang message sa akin ng Panginoon kasi meron din Syang sinabi through Blackaby (I'm using Experiencing God Devotionals kasi):
-You cannot walk close to God without being affected by His love.
-You will be incapable of ministering to everyone God sends you unless you have His love. You cannot forgive others or go the extra mile with others or sacrifice for others unless you have first been filled with the boundless love of God.
-Seek to know the Father and His immeasurable love; then allow His Son to love others through you!
Napatulala ako ata nasabi kokay Lord: "You are so in control! Sakto ito Lord ah! Galing... Nakakatuwa po... "
That moment, I ended up praying again... This was my finale, from Psalm 119:
"124 Deal with your servant according to your love
and teach me your decrees.
125 I am your servant; give me discernment
that I may understand your statutes.
135 Make your face shine upon your servant
and teach me your decrees."
Praise His name, forever and ever! ;-)
(ps. this is the first time I published the whole content of my personal reflection and journal. wala lang. wahehe.)