"For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
it speaks of the end
and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
it will certainly come and will not delay"
I had an emotional Friday yesterday.
I went home around 5am (kaw ba naman mag-hang out with two friends until 4am the previous night eh) Ayun at paguwi ko, umiiyak lang ako...
I was crying because of just one thing-- I had a major prayer item answered na, pero for the past few week I have been denying to myself that it was answered na. Yun tipo bang ayokong tanggapin na yun yung sagot ni God. Na tipong deadma galore lang ako, as if matatakasan ko ang katotohanan! Hehe, sorry naman daw Lord!
Sobrang tinamaan ako sa sinabi nung kaibigan ko na-- "You can never question God's sovereignty..." at meron pa syang matinding hirit "there's a difference between denial and conviction..." habang nagkukwento sya ng buhay-buhay nya. Little did he know that I was like tinatamaan galore! Hmp... the Lord works amazingly tlaga!
So until I woke up around 10am I was crying... And praying hard... I wasnt able to go to work nga for my Friday shift because of kakaisip at dahil sa kakaisip inatake ako ng tension head ache ko, hahaha! Ayun I had to sleep all night lang...
I was texting with my Mom, for the reason that she's the only one who knows all the details of this specific concern. And that I coudln't afford to share it to anyone na kasi I might have to explain everything pa, eh ayoko na ikwento! Waaahhh!
Malungkot ako, oo pero I was at the same time rejoicing kasi during those crying moments I am able to enjoy and savour being in the loving arms of my God, and all I want to do that moment was to rest and enjoy being in His presence ALONE!
I appreciate what my Mom said when I asked her if it's okay for me to just rest and spend time alone with God and be absent from work. She said "Good. Will be praying for you." I was like, alin ang good doon? Then she replied back "What ur doing... and what God is doing in ur life. Learn all u can." tpos may pahabol pa sya na "do what is best..."
At nakatulugan ko na nga...
Number one was-- I was hurting pero the hurt was not that painful, mahirap i-explain that it was not that heavy for my to carry kasi I had pour it out to the Lord. I did not became bitter towards it because I have felt HIS love for me... despite the "answered prayer". And I can only say HAAAYYYY right now.
The Lord indeed has wonderful plans for me. I may not know what those plans are NOW but I'm holding on to His promise.
After I woke up this morning there was no more burden. I feel relaxed kahit namumugto ang mga mata ko...
At maraming salamat na din sa mga taong nanalangin for me (Osie, Regie, Raya, Abe and Mama), sana wala akong nakalimutan sa inyo.
Ayun lang... HAAAYYYY...
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, PLANS TO GIVE YOU HOPE AND A FUTURE"