On wanting God again for a better Rajsh

I have just read Ephesians chapter one and this is how I prayed and responded to God after reading His word.

"Forgive me Lord for I know I have not been faithful to You...  I am so ashamed of myself and really feel unworthy of You...  But still, thank You for reminding me that You have called me to be holy and blameless before You on the account of Christ's finished work at the cross.

Thank You also for reminding me that the intention of Your will is kind and out of Your unconditional love for me... That You purposed for ll things to work together for my good.

I indeed ask Lord that You please give me wisdom and revelation of knowledge of Christ... That my heart be enlightened and see clearly (once again) the hope of my calling in You... And once again desire to bring glory to Your name.

Help me Lord be patient with myself and with You as You lead me back to You again.

Sorry again Lord for failing You. "

I sure am hoping for a "better Rajsh" in the coming days, by God's grace. Amen. ☺️

Saying YES to Him

Saying YES to God as He deals with me... HE is Lord in the first place!

Enough of my pride, time to deny myself because it is the right thing to do!

REPENT and LET GO indeed! 

Enable me Lord to do Your will, to do what is pleasing before You, for Your glory! 

Audience of the One

This was how God spoke to me in my quiet time few months ago...
That He wanted me to have an undivided, an upright and blameless heart before Him!
It may have been few months since then but it is STILL resounding!
So, Yes Lord, focus on pleasing You alone! :)

Two things

The Lord has been teaching me two things about myself lately:

1. That I am so mayabang [proud and arrogant]

2. That I am so in need of Him so that I can be trully humble [meek]

It took a while before I realized it but I am glad He is dealing with me, as always, accordingly. That is towards His likeness. Left overwhelmed again! 

Thank You! :)

Humbling me

God is humbling me. 

Someone is mad at me because (I think but I am not sure if it is the reason) the person doesn't agree with how I go about in leading our growth group and because of things I have said that was offensive in one way or another to the person. The humbling part about this is that the attitude of the person actually reminds me of my own attitude when I feel the same (mad / angry / irritated) towards someone. 

So God is now teaching me to respond in love, in patience, grace, compassion and in meekness. And it is not easy, specially the meekness part as I was told (by the person) of things I never thought I would hear from the person. 

I am hurting, yes, that's given. But I do not disregard the fact that this is nothing that is out of the control and sovereignty of God, so I will do as it pleases Him. It is hard but I know that it is possible by His grace.

I know sooner or later we will be okay again in His time and according to His will. I know that He wants harmony among His children. So I leave it up to Him and pray, and trust that He is working everything for our good because we belong to Him and we are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). 

"May Your will be done, Father... That in all these, Your name alone be glorified. Amen."

No excuses!

13 No trial has overtaken you that is not faced by others. And God is faithful: He will not let you be tried beyond what you are able to bear, but with the trial will also provide a way out so that you may be able to endure it. -1 Corinthians 10:13

No one should ever say that his/her trial is just for him/her. It is clear in His word.  Therefore, we have no excuse to fall and sin when facing trials.  God is faithful, look to Him.

This is just one great reminder for me. 

Amen. 

When it's hard to give thanks

Today I received a sad news.

But then God is just faithful! He reminded me of two verses today when I was on my way home, crying...

"...in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." -1 Thessalonians 5:18

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." -Romans 8:28

This is the difficult part. To give thanks when the matter for you is not worth thanking God for. But His word says in everything, meaning there is no exception. And yes, not this one!

As a child of God, I have to be thankful for everything because everything happens for my own good, in accordance to His good and perfect will.  All I need to do is to trust in Him and take Him at His word.

And then boom!

He made me realize that this "sad news" is a wonderful opportunity for us (my husband and I) to level up on our trust in Him and for us to be amazed once again on how He will work our life as we build our family.  And with that, His peace ruled in my heart supernaturally.  He didn't allow myself to be eaten up by my ego and for me to be consumed by my being a "control freak of my life" because He is the One in charge, and not me.

He has proven Himself to be faithful to me, many, many times.  Why would I doubt now, right?

Thank You Lord for who You are.
Thank You for Your faithfulness.
Thank You because You are trustworthy.
Thank You because I have Your word to affirm and encourage me.
Thank You Holy Spirit for helping me keep things in Your perspective.
Thank You Jesus for there is forgiveness in You, and for Your righteousness imputed upon me.
Thank You dear God, for everything that You are.

PS... Yes, I was crying habang naglalakad papunta sa EDSA. Good thing I had my shades on! Lol!

Proverbs 30:7-9

Two things I ask from you; do not refuse me before I die:
Remove falsehood and lies far from me; do not give me poverty or riches, feed me with my allotted portion of bread, lest I become satisfied and act deceptively and say, "Who is the LORD?"
Or lest I become poor and steal and demean the name of my God.

My heart failed yet He is faithful

(I wrote this last week, Friday... full of emotions.

I didn't have Internet connection then so it's just now that I'm able to share it in here.

I pray that beyond my brokenness and emo mode, what you will see is God's love and grace...)

"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure..." -Jeremiah 17:9

Indeed this verse is so true!

For a long time now (and for the record I do not know when exactly this started) I didn't notice that I have been "nursing" a sin in my heart. I've been holding grudges towards someone and it's taken its toll on me and affected the state of my heart big time!

I haven't been able to enjoy my quiet time like I used to because of this. I knew at the back of my mind and have already felt that there was something wrong (in my heart) but I just shrugged it off and didn't address it right away and so... Whenever I think about the person, whenever I see the person, when over I hear from that person I always gets annoyed. And yeah, I always sin. :(

But God in His faithfulness, as always, knows what is best for me. He knew it needed to be addressed and that I needed to be freed from the sin that calloused my heart... For this week, I have been on my "bratinella" mode especially in the office. I have found myself being my "old self" again-- irate, reklamadora, looking down on others, being prideful and selfish and all that stuff! And He made sure that I got aware of it so I approached Him in my quiet time yesterday and asked for cleansing from it all... I felt "OK" afterwards but then, right after my qt, I failed again... In my heart I hated another person... I was like "what the heck is happening to me?!" then I just went on with my day... Work mode even though I was really distracted. My distraction didn't left until I was on my way home I found myself praying to God "Lord, this needs to be addressed!"

So I arrived home... After doing some chores, I locked myself in my room so I can "wrestle with God."

He lead me to read Psalm 24:3-4 and it says:

"Who may ascend to the hill of the Lord?
Who may stand in His holy place?
He who has clean hands and a pure heart"

I've read that verse before. I've gone through it in my previous qts... But then, even though this verse is not new to me, God spoke to me clearly. He dealt with me and pointed out how unclean my hands were and how impure my heart is before Him for a long time now... He didn't stop there... I didn't stop from there either... He led me more to Himself in repentance as I read more passages: Psalm 26:2-6; Psalm 51:10; Ezekiel 18:31 and so on...

When I prayed earlier what I was actually thinking was how to "fix" my attitude towards the person.  But I am not God, I am not the one who is in control and I'm glad that's the way it is... Where He led me now is exactly what I need. I need to repent from my sin, I need to rid myself from all the offenses that I have committed in my heart, I need to be (once again) broken before Him so I can deal with the attitude of my heart towards the person...

I failed God big time! I sinned and I have been nursing this sin for a long time... But I praise Him for what He did to me tonight...

Allow me to share an excerpt from my journal, my cry to God:

"Yes Lord... I want to have a pure heart before You... I have offended You ng paulit-ulit and I ask for forgiveness... Help me Lord... Cleanse me, purify me and make my heart right before You. Ayaw ko na pong maging masama, bitter, and holding these grudges... I want to be free Lord... I don't want to sin anymore..."

After those words, I wept. I haven't wept that way for a long time now. I was mourning. I broke His heart and I'm such a failure! But then He is really faithful, He sees how broken I am so He once again picked me up by His grace, His mercy and His love, He picked me up! He did this so to give me another chance, to make things right, to sin less and less and to just press on with my eyes fixed on Him and not on people.

Through the Holy Spirit, I know I can do the things He want me to do... To forgive them, just love them and have compassion on them and to keep in mind that everything works for my good because I belong to Him!

As I concluded with my wrestling with the Lord... I told and asked Him these:

"Thank You for still loving me dear God (insert here tears again. Hehe)... Lead me to love You back in my obedience, worship and devotion to You. Take me back on the right track again..."

I praise Him for who He is in my life... Indeed, without Him I am nothing...

Thank You Father, Son and Holy Spirit!

(So now, totoo na ito... Sleep na ako! Just wanted to share that! Good night!)

My breakfast for today and some thoughts

My breakfast for today—Whole Wheat cereals, banana, coffee, Matthew 6:25-27 (in preparation for tomorrow night. I’ll teach in our GG), Luke 10:40-41 and then Genesis chapters 39 and 40. Talk about physical and spiritual feeding… Oh yeah! Burp!

Realization—I’m a Martha! Oh my, napa-ngiti ako when I studied that passage (Luke 10:40-41) about her earlier… I really am a Martha! And all along I thought I was a Peter. Hehe. Well siguro, may Peter side din ako. Wala lang. Na-realize ko lang and ngayon ko lang inadmit... My discipler told me that already pero dineny ko. Haha! :D

Sweet thought—I said to myself on my way to our office: "I miss John… But yeah, we’ll have a life time to spend together very soon so that’s okay! I can miss him now but I shouldn’t have to be so emo about it."

Bow. Thank God it’s Friday! :)

He answers

I’ve been thinking and praying about our growth group attendees whom have yet to commit their lives to Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Saviour even after being told (and explained) about the Good News or the Gospel.

Worried talaga ako kasi they have not made The Decision yet…

I've been asking God since last week when will that day come and so early this morning during my qt, this was how God addressed my concern about them:

“All those the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away.” – John 6:37

“No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them…” – John 6:44

So ayun, oo nga naman. Marunong pa ako kay Lord ano? Hehe.

I’m glad I have a prayer answering God! Though it seems that He did not really answered my question, what He gave is just right and timely and yeah, I'm good with it!

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” – James 1:5

“I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow.” – 1 Corinthians 3:6

It's the ceremony!

After attending this wedding of Christopher and Christine last December 4, 2011, I realized that indeed it is not the wedding elements that matter most...

What makes a wedding meaningful is the ceremony.  When God is honored and acknowledged in the life of the couple, when His goodness is preached even in the exchanging of vows, and when people are reminded that marriage is God's design...

The wedding was very simple, as in wala masyadong typical elements that one can see in a wedding and yet it was super meaningful! I got so inspired, as John and I plan our own for next year...



Now allow me to share few photos:

Tin's (the bride) beauty was so eminent that day...



Exchanging of vows

the ring...

and now here's us

with my dear friend Mr. and Mrs. Geanga (P.Eug and Osie), Kuya Abe, and my beloved John.
Thank you Ian de Ocampo for taking our pic.

I miss our trio!

With the officiating Pastor, Rev. Bj Sebastian

I don't wear dress... unless I attend a wedding. And so this photo was just a must.
Thanks Kuya Abe for taking my pic.

Will upload more photos in my photo-blog some other time.

See also: Christian Wedding Reflection.

Denying Jesus?

Immediately the rooster crowed the second time. Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken to him: “Before the rooster crows twice you will disown me three times.” And he broke down and wept.
-Mark 14:72

The last sentence of this verse struck me because I can relate very well.

Many times I "deny" Jesus-- I sin, I fall, I make no regard and no reverence of His presence and just go on giving in to what I want even if I know at the back of my mind that it will dishonor Him...

Yet He remains faithful!  Through the Holy Spirit He brings me back to my senses and gets me on my knees to repent and ask for forgiveness...

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
-1 John 1:9

And He picks me up in His grace... that for me is just OVERWHELMING!

Lord, Your love is amazing!

Thanking God in my accident

Clarify ko lang ha, hindi po ako nagpapasalamat dahil na-aksidente ako. Hehehe.

I got into a jogging accident yesterday morning.  I was rushed to the hospital due to a head injury.

What happened was, after ko mag-jog, umupo ako and then nakaramdam ng hilo tapos hindi ko na alam ang nangyari.  Good thing kasama ko si Sai and he saw me fell on the ground (semento).  Hilong hilo ako at hinanghina and I was bleeding...

But like I said in the title, I still thank God kasi ramdam ko na hindi Nya ako pinabayaan kahit pa meron akong nakuhang cut near my right eye.  Allow me to share my thanksgiving items on that incident:

• Sai was with me, kung wala akong kasama nun pano na lang. So thanks bro! :)
• Tumulong yung kapit bahay nila John (dun kami ni Sai sa village nila John nag-jog) she placed ice bag in my nape, called the village guard for assistance, at marami pang di ko na maalala na acts of service ang binigay nya sa akin. 
• Mga guards na ready and quick to respond to the emergency.
• Helpers nila John: Magie, Te Mercy and Rose.
• Ate Alynna for lending her car
• Mae and his bf Don for driving and for assisting in keeping me awake while travelling to the hospital
• Connect Core for their prayers.
• The very accommodating nurses in Medical City, especially Nurse Margaux na suki ako. Hehe.
• All the doctors who attended my needs.
• My employer, kasi may HMO ako through them.  Kung wala akong health card mahigit 13K ang binayaran ko.
• John for being there always and for making me feel everything is okay kahit na nakita nya akong namutla at may malalim na cut.

All these are God's work, He took care of me through these people... And so yah, I thank God in my accident.

Major lesson learned:

Kapag magjojog, wag bibiglain ang tigil ng movement ng katawan para hindi mahimatay. :)

Thanks again Lord for taking care of me! And for helping me recuperate...

Just a thought

What I am doing for the Lord amounts to nothing if my heart is not right before Him.

"The LORD does not look at the things people look at.  People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." -1 Samuel 16:7

See also: Contemplating

Just thought I'd blog!

I miss those times when I regularly update this blog with personal reflections.

It's not that the Lord's been silent to me that I'm not able to share anything, it's just that I can't seem to find the time and the mood to write that much as I used to and so I am typing now even if I do not know if I will be able to finish and post this...

You see, there has been a lot of changes in my life over the last four months.

Let me share a few:

1. After six years of working in the night shift, the Lord opened up an opportunity for me to work in the morning shift since July 5 this year. A blessing from the Lord indeed because since then He opened up more ministry opportunities for me. Which leads me to number:

2.  June 30, 2011, my last shift in the night shift. I shared the Gospel to a friend and she prayed to receive Christ and that started a new discipleship relationship.

3.  July 9, 2011, Connect Ministry held a breakfast fellowship near our office for my friends at work.  That fellowship gave birth to a new Connect Growth Group that meets up every Saturday 7am.

4.  A good friend of mine referred to me a lady and asked me if I could disciple her.  After months of praying about it we finally met sometime early August (if I remember it right) and the Lord knitted our hearts to journey together.

5.  I turned 27 this year but I still feel like I'm just 25! Hahaha!

6.  John and I celebrated our third anniversary on Sept 21... And we realized that indeed time flies that fast!

And the list goes on...

One of the major things that the Lord taught me with all the "changes" mentioned above is this: He took me out of my comfort zone and taught me to adjust so I can TRUST and OBEY Him more.  It wasn't easy but the Lord remained to be faithful!

Well, you see... He has always been faithful to me! Even in the midst of my unfaithfulness to Him.

 Show me your ways, LORD,
teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
Remember, LORD, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.
Do not remember the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you, LORD, are good.

-Psalm 25:4-7 

Love... with all your...

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”  -Matthew 22:36-40

Still llistening to God...

I think might update this post some other time once what He want me to learn (need to learn something new as He has been stretching my faith lately) has been made clear to me.

Happy Thursday everyone! ♥

Thank God it's Thursday... Bukas Friday na... then weekend na! Yahoo! LOL :)

Reading 1 Kings

It’s amazing that the “theme” of my qt (quiet time) and Bible reading are aligned with what was taught to me on my first post this week.

This was not planned by me… But I guess planned by Him.  :)

Just want to share the passage I read earlier:

"If you do whatever I command you and walk in obedience to me and do what is right in my eyes by obeying my decrees and commands, as David my servant did, I will be with you..." -1 Kings 11:38

Too wise

Authority Challenged

When He entered the temple, the chief priests and the elders of the people came to Him while He was teaching, and said, "By what authority are You doing these things, and who gave You this authority?"

Jesus said to them, "I will also ask you one thing, which if you tell Me, I will also tell you by what authority I do these things.

"The baptism of John was from what source, from heaven or from men?" And they began reasoning among themselves, saying, "If we say, 'From heaven,' He will say to us, 'Then why did you not believe him?'

"But if we say, 'From men,' we fear the people; for they all regard John as a prophet."

And answering Jesus, they said, "We do not know." He also said to them, "Neither will I tell you by

what authority I do these things.

-Matthew 21:23-27

What have I learned from this passage?

God is too wise to be mistaken.

There is none, not even one, who is like Him.

How can we (believers) relate to the Pharisees?

Believers, we all have heard that, we all know that—God is too wise... He is omniscient! But sometimes—uhh, okay fine—most of the time, we take it for granted. We act as if we can outwit the Lord with our decisions, that we go on ahead of Him and insist on what we want before we seek what He really wants...  Neglecting the fact that what He wants for us is the BEST.

"...God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." -Romans 12:2

On preferring His will

To start off with my one week challenge, let me greet all the mothers in the world:

Belated Happy Mother’s Day yesterday!

Specially to all the Single Moms-- you are true heroes!
The Lord is looking after you and your kiddo! :)

I wasn’t able to text every mom that I know because I was watching the Pacquiao and Mosley fight (will post a separate entry on that. Hehe).

Now, allow me to share to you what I learned in my quiet time this morning.
 
I asked the Lord to change my heart as I’ve been struggling with pride and anger and so He led me to read Ephesians chapter 4... I wish I have the time right now to post everything that He told me but I don’t, I suggest you go read on that chapter and chew on it firsthand na lang, much better yun! Hehe.

What I want to share is short and sweet:

As a believer, it is basic that we know God’s will... Those of which are clearly stated in His revealed will—the Bible. But the question is, do we prefer God’s will all the time?

The underlined question was the question of my mentor (Carol Felipe) to all of us yesterday during our Growth Group Leaders’ training.

After reading Ephesians 4, I prayed to God, asked for forgiveness and cleansing from my sins and plead once more—Lord, I want more of You!

So He led me to read on the next Chapter and His voice became all the more clearer:

“…find out what pleases the Lord.” – Ephesians 5:10

I thank and praise Him for meeting me where I am, for meeting the deepest longing of my heart, for dealing with my sin with His righteousness, and for giving me His peace that surpasses all understanding.

The challenge for me is to live out what He just taught me. And I guess posting it here will make me accountable to do so. Do pray for me and with me kapatid.

To God be the glory! :)

Also read: How Can I Know God's Will For My Life?