On Leave

I have just "filed" for a leave for one month from my Connect Ministry involvement.  I'm taking a break so I can physically rest and at the same time, Lord-willing, further assess/discern where I'm at in my walk.

I have been in touch with a number of counselors in our church and REST is one of their major recommendation for me. Which is an affirmation! Yehey!

I'm still praying that my application for a Leave of Absence (LOA) from work be approved.  I'm also looking at taking a break from work for 30 to 45 days so I can rest and be busy at home with John.

While "on leave" I'll probably be updating this blog more often.  I want to record my journey on this trying phase that I'm going through right now.

Sigh. I'm really super hoping and praying to be really okay soon. 

Okay

I just want to be okay again.  For the past months, I've not been "stable" really. My disposition are more inclined to the negative things that I have learned to dwell on and boy it's really not healthy anymore. I'm tired of feeling this way.

I want to go back enjoying things as it is, being thankful no matter what is going on in my life and being a source of blessing to the people around me.

I really want to be okay. I'm tired of crying over things that I have no control of; things that I could not change. I want to live out what I've been saying in my textblast-- that God is sovereign, therefore He can surely be trusted!

I just want to be okay. 

Depressed

Yes, I've been feeling very depressed lately. I lost count na pero ilang weeks na akong walang lumilipas na araw ang hindi ako umiiyak at papasok sa trabaho na namumugto ang mata.

I feel lonely and unappreciated. Most of the time I am criticized, seldom do I get affirmed. I'm thinking yan ang pinang-gagalingan ng issue ko sa ngayon but I'm still not sure.

I want to rest from everything. If I could, I want to stop thinking about all the things I have in mind.

I just feel very tired and really sad.

Praying I'll get through this very soon. 

Saying YES to Him

Saying YES to God as He deals with me... HE is Lord in the first place!

Enough of my pride, time to deny myself because it is the right thing to do!

REPENT and LET GO indeed! 

Enable me Lord to do Your will, to do what is pleasing before You, for Your glory! 

Fickle

According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, fickle is marked by lack of steadfastness, constancy, or stability.

And well, that's my heart right now! Sobrang kulang na kulang sa steadfastness. Huhuhu! And I do not like it when I'm like this.

I need a change of heart right now...

Oh Lord would you steady my heart once again and re-align it to Yours?

Two things

The Lord has been teaching me two things about myself lately:

1. That I am so mayabang [proud and arrogant]

2. That I am so in need of Him so that I can be trully humble [meek]

It took a while before I realized it but I am glad He is dealing with me, as always, accordingly. That is towards His likeness. Left overwhelmed again! 

Thank You! :)

Humbling me

God is humbling me. 

Someone is mad at me because (I think but I am not sure if it is the reason) the person doesn't agree with how I go about in leading our growth group and because of things I have said that was offensive in one way or another to the person. The humbling part about this is that the attitude of the person actually reminds me of my own attitude when I feel the same (mad / angry / irritated) towards someone. 

So God is now teaching me to respond in love, in patience, grace, compassion and in meekness. And it is not easy, specially the meekness part as I was told (by the person) of things I never thought I would hear from the person. 

I am hurting, yes, that's given. But I do not disregard the fact that this is nothing that is out of the control and sovereignty of God, so I will do as it pleases Him. It is hard but I know that it is possible by His grace.

I know sooner or later we will be okay again in His time and according to His will. I know that He wants harmony among His children. So I leave it up to Him and pray, and trust that He is working everything for our good because we belong to Him and we are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). 

"May Your will be done, Father... That in all these, Your name alone be glorified. Amen."

When it's hard to give thanks

Today I received a sad news.

But then God is just faithful! He reminded me of two verses today when I was on my way home, crying...

"...in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." -1 Thessalonians 5:18

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." -Romans 8:28

This is the difficult part. To give thanks when the matter for you is not worth thanking God for. But His word says in everything, meaning there is no exception. And yes, not this one!

As a child of God, I have to be thankful for everything because everything happens for my own good, in accordance to His good and perfect will.  All I need to do is to trust in Him and take Him at His word.

And then boom!

He made me realize that this "sad news" is a wonderful opportunity for us (my husband and I) to level up on our trust in Him and for us to be amazed once again on how He will work our life as we build our family.  And with that, His peace ruled in my heart supernaturally.  He didn't allow myself to be eaten up by my ego and for me to be consumed by my being a "control freak of my life" because He is the One in charge, and not me.

He has proven Himself to be faithful to me, many, many times.  Why would I doubt now, right?

Thank You Lord for who You are.
Thank You for Your faithfulness.
Thank You because You are trustworthy.
Thank You because I have Your word to affirm and encourage me.
Thank You Holy Spirit for helping me keep things in Your perspective.
Thank You Jesus for there is forgiveness in You, and for Your righteousness imputed upon me.
Thank You dear God, for everything that You are.

PS... Yes, I was crying habang naglalakad papunta sa EDSA. Good thing I had my shades on! Lol!

Mema = Mema-i-blog-lang :)

My husband and I were on our way home last night riding a cab when I heard the DJ from the radio read poems...One thing I realized while listening to the beautiful poems is: I miss writing! :'(

And yeah, if I really want to improve on that area, I have to write again. I guess I have to blog again. I've been out of this blog for a long time now and up until now, even with an unlimited internet access at home, I still can't figure out how am I suppose to make time for this "hobby."

Sigh.

But we'll see where I'll get from here.

For now, that's all folks! Happy New Year! :)

Kamusta?

Hindi ko alam na nakatingin si John... pampasira, hindi na tuloy mukhang candid! Hmp! :p
Taken last Sunday, during our Theology class. Salamat self-timer at may picture ako! :))

Kamusta naman?

Miss na miss ko na ang blog ko na ito... It's been a while! Akala ko nung una when I bought my iPad I would be able to blog more... hindi pala! Hehehe!

What's up ba kamo? Eto, less than 3 months na lang wedding na namin ni John! And yes, I'm super excited! Pero marami pa kaming dapat asikasuhin so bawal magmadali! Hehehe!

God's been so good to me... I will share it na lang when I have more time!

Thank you for dropping by today.

Blessings to you! :)

Status update

Hello, hello! I've been active in my wedding blog these past few days... Go check it out if you have the chance! Its pinayweddingdiary.blogspot.com. Feel free to comment. :)

That's all for now... Hope you're having a good Tuesday!

Bored

I've been absent from work since Wednesday... Been sick with colds and fever. And I'm now bored.

How about you? How have you been? :)

♥ Love ♥

I really thank God for this man... for his love and concern to me and for everything else!
Thank God because He is the one who fuels us to love one another... like it's always a miracle! Hehe!
Indeed, we love because He loved us first!
Happy 41st and counting my love! :-*

Where have I been?

Boy, I missed my blog so much! I miss you so much! Hahaha! I want to blog everything that had happened over the last- what, one week na pala?! -yeah, one week, but heck andami nila!

Sorry, been busy and needed to focus on my work and also I have to give up blogging from the office. Hehe. Long story... Basta yun na yon! Will share next time.

Anyway, I went to Divisoria earlier to check out some wedding stuff and here's one of my favorite:

How do I look? :)

Special thanks to my dear friend Claire for accompanying me today.

I really, really appreciate it sis! Mwuahugs!

And so, that's all folks! That's it for now...

Hope you're having a great week! The Lord is good and His love endures forever! :)

Gloomy

I can say I am doing well today—hindi naman ako irritable, masungit, mataray and mukha namang in good condition ang state ng heart ko but I feel so gloomy… My whole body feels weak, and then may pasundot-sundot na head ache and parang may nagbabadya na pananakit ng puson.

Dear PMS, minsan hindi ka na talaga nakakatuwa ha! :( 

Kayo, kamusta naman Tuesday nyo? Natraffic ba kayo at nahirapang sumakay kaninang umaga sa Edsa?

Hope you're having a good one! God remains to be good and I know I'm blessed to have Him in my life! :)

I don’t feel pretty but I feel so blessed!

Hahaha! May ganun?! :p

Well, I don’t feel pretty because I still am wearing no makeup [foundation and concealer to be exact] due to some kind of rashes/dryness that I have in my face and so I’m letting it breathe for a while (Check Booo! from my photo-blog).

But yeah, I feel so blessed today… Well since last night I’ve already been ecstatic and overjoyed—I along with few members of my second GG (See Connect-Taguig) met for a dinner fellowship and then just a couple of hours ago, I had my first ever discipleship for the year! Oh yeah! How I miss having these kinds of date!

Sobrang nakaka-bless! And because of that, I would like to believe I still look okay [pretty] despite wearing no makeup! Bwahahaha! :)

Hope you’re having a good Thursday!

The Lord is good and His love endures forever! :)

Disclaimer: Joke lang yung I dont feel pretty not wearing makeup ha? I know naman na hindi outer appearance ang important.  The word of God said—Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and wearing gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. – 1 Peter 3:3-4

My breakfast for today and some thoughts

My breakfast for today—Whole Wheat cereals, banana, coffee, Matthew 6:25-27 (in preparation for tomorrow night. I’ll teach in our GG), Luke 10:40-41 and then Genesis chapters 39 and 40. Talk about physical and spiritual feeding… Oh yeah! Burp!

Realization—I’m a Martha! Oh my, napa-ngiti ako when I studied that passage (Luke 10:40-41) about her earlier… I really am a Martha! And all along I thought I was a Peter. Hehe. Well siguro, may Peter side din ako. Wala lang. Na-realize ko lang and ngayon ko lang inadmit... My discipler told me that already pero dineny ko. Haha! :D

Sweet thought—I said to myself on my way to our office: "I miss John… But yeah, we’ll have a life time to spend together very soon so that’s okay! I can miss him now but I shouldn’t have to be so emo about it."

Bow. Thank God it’s Friday! :)

August na!!!

And I miss blogging so much... On my last post I said that "something" will give me the capability to blog more often than ever... but then, that "something" has nto come to reality... and will not be until six months or so from now... May inuna kasi akong bilhin. Hehe.

Anyway...

God's been really faithful and I'm kind of drafting my Q2 reflection in my head as of this very moment and i hope  to be able to share it here sometime this week.

Basta, God's been really faithful. Daming nangyari, daming lessons, daming blessings... Hope to catch up with everything and post it here.

Ayun lang. Ilang weeks na lang birthday ko na uli! Hehehe.

I miss blogging!!!!! :)

Tahimik

Yeah, it's been silent here.

Not that nothing's been happening, it's just that I'm taking a break from blogging (discipline on my part) while waiting for something that will enable me to blog freely... Will explain later.

In the mean time, you can follow me on twitter if you want... I find it easy to post quick updates there. :)

Have a blessed week everyone! 

one weeek challenge

I want to challenge myself to blog everyday next week.

I've been learning a lot in my quiet time and I'm so dying to share it here but I just don't have the luxury of time... But, next week, beginning Monday, I will try my best to post something/anything. As in I want to blog for one week straight. Really do. :)

Let's see if I can do it. Hehe.

Happy Friday everyone!

Thanking God for His faithfulness,

-Rajshbratinella ♥