Humbling me

God is humbling me. 

Someone is mad at me because (I think but I am not sure if it is the reason) the person doesn't agree with how I go about in leading our growth group and because of things I have said that was offensive in one way or another to the person. The humbling part about this is that the attitude of the person actually reminds me of my own attitude when I feel the same (mad / angry / irritated) towards someone. 

So God is now teaching me to respond in love, in patience, grace, compassion and in meekness. And it is not easy, specially the meekness part as I was told (by the person) of things I never thought I would hear from the person. 

I am hurting, yes, that's given. But I do not disregard the fact that this is nothing that is out of the control and sovereignty of God, so I will do as it pleases Him. It is hard but I know that it is possible by His grace.

I know sooner or later we will be okay again in His time and according to His will. I know that He wants harmony among His children. So I leave it up to Him and pray, and trust that He is working everything for our good because we belong to Him and we are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). 

"May Your will be done, Father... That in all these, Your name alone be glorified. Amen."

Legacy

Your response is your responsibility.
-Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

That is one unforgettable quote I learned from our mentoring session (watching the Love and Respect conference in dvd).  What does it have to do with the title of this post?

My heart has been crying and mourning over something that has been going on... This "something" is not new. It has happened a couple of times. To be honest, I lost count already. And to date, I still ask-- Why are they like that? Why do they choose to leave a legacy like this to us and the generation after us?

Nakakalungkot. Nakakadisappoint. Pero ayun na nga, sila naman ang magiging accountable kay God pagdating ng panahon.

So I say it again--

Your response is your responsibility.

(Note: the qoute is also my everyday reminder to myself)

"their work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each person’s work." -1 Corinthians 3:13 

crying out loud

Just thinking and crying out loud:

Sana dumating din yung araw na pag may problema tayo harapin natin at wag nating takasan. At wag na tayong magpalusot at mag-justify but rather admit our mistake(s), repent, forgive, ask forgiveness, move one and heal...

Tama na. Sobra na. Nakakasawa na. Napakasakit na...

"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives." -1 John 1:8-10

"My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me..." -John 17:20-23

+ Pray with me and for me. Thank you. +

interesting conversation

I had an interesting conversation yesterday morning with a relative. I believe it was one of God's answer to my prayer (not about my previous post though) about a personal and sensitive issue...

Thank You Lord, truly You are amazing God! You are the Lord who answers prayer... Thank You for another divine appointment!

To you dearest,

I now know better.
I now have a clearer idea why are you like who you are right now.
I now can say that I know where you are coming from.

I wish we could really talk about things.
I wish you'd be honest to yourself and to all of us.
I wish you'd give time to spend time to listen, and I mean listen.

...It will come, I know, in His time!
I love you and I miss you. ;-)

I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

-Psalm 27:13-14

Status: Contemplating

I've been singing this song for almost two weeks now... I listen to it every night while I'm on my way to work and when I travel back home...

"I will give you all my worship
I will give you all my praise
You alone I long to worship
You alone are worthy of my praise

I will worship (I will worship)
With all of my heart (With all of my heart)
I will praise you (I will praise you)
With all of my strength (With all my strength)
I will seek you (I will seek you)
All of my days (All of my days)
I will follow (I will follow)
Follow all of your ways (All your ways)

I will give you all my worship
I will give you all my praise
You alone I long to worship
You alone are worthy of my praise

I will bow down (I will bow down)
Hail you as king (Hail you as king)
I will serve you (I will serve you)
I'll give you everything (I'll give you everything)
I will lift up (I will lift up)
My eyes to your throne (My eyes to your throne)
I will trust you (I will trust you)
I will trust you alone (Trust you alone)"

...and then last Monday night, nasa jeep ako when I pondered on "Lord, what does it really mean to give You ALL my worship?" Sa thought lang na yun ako nag-dwell during my short travel from my house (Mandaluyong) to my workplace (the Fort, Taguig).

When I went home, Tuesday morning... I found myself telling this to God (in my journal):

"I've been thinking since last night kung ano po ba talaga yung 'all my worship' at kung naibibigay ko ito sa Inyo... and the answer is 'no'... Many times I fail to follow You, many times I disappoint You, many times I go ahead of You, many times I displease You and disobey You... At maraami pang pagkukulang at pagkakamali...

Forgive me Lord for those times..."

What does it mean to give Him all my worship then-- OBEDIENCE. Having the RIGHT HEART before Him... Living the Christ-like life MOMENT BY MOMENT... At marami pang iba na patuloy na ipinapakita sa akin ng Panginoon...

And then He lead me to this:

"How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word." -Psalm 119:9

So the journey goes on... He is dealing with me, that's for sure! ;-)

Prasie His name, His love endures forever...

Stability...

This is just very timely... Since may mga IMPORTANT and CRITICAL na mga bagay-bagay ang ni-re-reveal sa akin ang Panginoon these past few weeks (or past month?)...

Uhmm, saka ko na ishe-share ang mga detalye. Eto muna---

"Stability is the mark of a mature Christian"

God has given us peace so that we can be stable even in the midst of hard times. In John 14:27, Jesus says, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives."

In this verse, Jesus tells us that He has left us his peace. Jesus' peace, however, isn't like the world's peace, which depends on your circumstances; rather, God's peace is internal. God's peace allows believers to be stable even in the midst of hard circumstances, difficult trials, and uncertain times.

It's no wonder Paul said that he could be content, i.e. stable, in all circumstances: "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." (Philippians 4:11-12). What was Paul's "secret"? "I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13).

The key to contentment and stability is living in, through, and with God in everything. Like Paul, a mature Christian is able to remain content and stable in all circumstances.

An old one

But this made me cry... Back when I first read it and today when I read it again...

(I don't know why pero bigla ko na lang naisip na maghalungkat ng mga lumang email).

A part of Mama's email to me - Thursday, 13 January, 2005 7:19 PM

"I'm glad though that I can share my thoughts with you.
(I just don't know if you can fully understand how I
feel.) I thank the Lord for your life and pray that
you will do all you can to seek the Lord so that He
will make your life productive...just as He promised.

There may be things that we don't understand, things
that we don't like to happen to us; yet they're
happening. All these are not hidden from the Lord. I
am confident that He has a higher purpose for allowing
us to go through all of the difficulties we are
facing.

Remember I may love you but the Lord loves you more
and He is able to do so much more than I can ever do
or imagine."

I am the worst person I know

(napakalalim na buntung-hininga muna...)

I am the worst person I know, kasi alam ko sa sarili kung ano ang mga desire ko na hindi pleasing sa Kanya, at nahihiya talaga ako. Sigh. Minsan nasasabi ko na lang na "Lord, uwi na lang ako dyan para matigil na ang mga sablay ko..." Pero sino ba ako para bigyan ng instructions si God? His ways are not my ways, and so His plans!

(Sigh ulet)

I am struggling and in pain pero God is able to uplift my spirit sa pamamagitan ng Word Nya, praise Him for that! And so I want to share my devo for the past few days...


Allow me to quote this, from Experiencing God Devotional by Blackaby:

"Sin breaks our relationship with God; it severs relationship with others as well. Broken relationships are the epidemic of our day. Sin alienates family members, separate friends, divide churches, and destroys marriages. sin creates mistrust, jealousy, hatred, and greed, all of which devastate relationships...

Only Christ has the remedy for the disastrous effect of sin on human relationships..."

God lead me to read the following passages:

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. -1 Corinthians 10:13

Surely the arm of the LORD is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear. But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear. -Isaiah 59:1-2

(I think i have not mentioned here that I have been reading and studying the Book of Psalms since July)

I also read Psalms 37:12-40. These are the verses that I took note of (as in kinopya ko sa aking journal):

23 If the LORD delights in a man's way,
he makes his steps firm;

24 though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

30 The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom,
and his tongue speaks what is just.

31 The law of his God is in his heart;
his feet do not slip.

34 Wait for the LORD
and keep his way.
He will exalt you to inherit the land;
when the wicked are cut off, you will see it.

39 The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD;
he is their stronghold in time of trouble.

40 The LORD helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.

Grabe ang Psalm, I am having so much of "taking refuge in Him" and I am loving it! Madalas din na nakikita ko rin ang sarili ko at sitwasyon ko sa mga sinulat ni King David and I really feel God is closely and personally speaking to me... Praise Him for that!

So ayun! (Sigh ulet ako) ...

Kuya Kevin, posted an article entitled "Self Deception" at nakaka-relate po ako. (Sigh for the nth time).

I'm in great pain...

But I thank God for getting me off/out of my comfort zone to take me where He wants me to be... For allowing me to experience a higher, deeper level of faith, trust, obedience and love in Him.

Allow me to quote what my devo said last week--
"If you are in a situation or lifestyle where you are perfectly capable of handling everything, you have stopped growing in your understanding of God. God's desire is to take you where you are to where He wants you to be. You will always be one step of obedience away from the next truth God wants you to learn about Him...

Perhaps you need to trust God to a degree you never have before..."

And right now, my mind keeps shouting this--
"I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?" -Jeremiah 32:27

Do pray for me!

I am YOURS

"Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!" (Luke 5:8)


I found myself crying to sleep early this morning (uhm, 'morning' because I work at night po) and singing this song...

"Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
'Cause I am yours.
I am yours..."

The Lord know what's in my heart, what's in my mind... And He loves me the same! He is amazing God!

Lord, I am Yours...