Amen and Amen!

There are lot of times I find myself falling on my knees and saying: IT IS ONLY BY HIS GRACE TALAGA...

And I can only say AMEN and AMEN to this song...

"Time measured out my days
Life carried me along
In my soul I yearned to follow God
But knew Id never be so strong
I looked hard at this world
To learn how heaven could be gained
Just to end where I began
Where human effort is all in vain

Chorus
Were it not for grace
I can tell you where Id be
Wandering down some pointless road to nowhere
With my salvation up to me
I know how that would go
The battles I would face
Forever running but losing this race
Were it not for grace

So here is all my praise
Expressed with all my heart
Offered to the Friend who took my place
And ran a course I could not start
And when He saw in full
Just how much His would cost
He still went the final mile between me and heaven
So I would not be lost

Repeat Chorus

Forever running but losing this race
Were it not for grace"

disoriented

in other words-- windang!

As in na-wiwindang pa ako (particularly my bio-clock) sa sched ko, effective nung lunes pang-3pm to 12am na kami... at hanep! mas inaantok ako... hehehe, pagdating ng mga 8pm onwards parang gusto ko nang umuwi... pero PTL! ang sarap ng tulog ko ha, from 1am to 9am (for the past few days, hehe!) feeling normal na tao ako! nakakatulog na ako ng madilim pa ang langit. nyehehe!

although katakot lang yung going home hours ko... paki-include po ako sa prayers ha? gising pa naman ang mga tao sa mandaluyong pag-umuuwi ako at mabilis naman ang byahe pero ayun nga... katakot!

only by His grace lang...

haaaayyyness!

*wink-wink*

Constantly

You're constantly on my mind...

It's just amazing how the "DEAL" is not yet over but God is teaching and has taught me one greatest lesson-- to pray for you more and more each day and to focus on HIM more and more, instead of me focusing on myself and you...

I made it clear to myself that I will loosen my grip on you. And remind myself of that words from Paul-- "So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but ONLY GOD, WHO MAKES THINGS GROW.” always...

It is not that painful like it was the first time although thoughts (well, some thoughts about you) still make me cry from time to time, and indeed it is only with God's grace that I am able to understand and have peace despite the fact that I have (feeling ko lang ha! hehe) somewhat lost you...

Hehe! Ang arte ko noh...???!!!

I just want to tell you-- I love you... Alam ko naman na alam mo na yun! At sasabihin ko ulit sa'yo, HIS love is greater! At ayun na nga, you are constantly on my mind, in my prayers...

Until then!

the art of letting go

(crap, ang arte!)

I just had to stop doing my routes... I'm so sad because of this news I just learned... And I just want to cry...

An email from my mentor:

"subject: Thank you
sent: 05/01/2008 03:33 AM

Hi everyone!

Today is my last day with Chase. Tomorrow, I venture off into becoming a professional teacher for children.

You may not have realized it, but you all have paved this path for me...and I want to let all of you know how grateful I am to have known you. Finally...... I know what my purpose in life is! You all pointed me to the right direction.

It had been a great experience and a pleasure to have worked with you all!

keep in touch, k? =)"

And aaaarrrrgggghhh! I knew that this was coming... They told me about this since last year, although the original date was June 2008. And so eto, iba tlga pag it's happening na, eto na yun! Reality men...

Shocks, gusto ko lang umiyak! As in... Waaahhhh! I will miss you... naman!

Basta, may HIS will be done in your life...

Aaarrggg! the art of letting go of people coming into your life and eventually leaving.... When you thought you've mastered it... Ay hindi pala! ='(

crying over you

I really can't believe I'm crying over you... All of you, people of my world!

Hindi naman ako ganito dati eh, wala naman akong paki-alam sa inyo kung ano mga ginagwa nyo as long as hindi naman ako involve, care bears lang.

But still, I couldn't help but praise HIM, because HE is so good, He is so wonderful and He is sovereign... Because He is teaching me to love them, and care for them... for their souls... for their brokenness... and most especially, He is teaching me to pray for them more and more!

At sobrang na-bu-burden ako! Iniiyakan ko sila... anu ba 'to...

I have been praying that I may be able to minister to them kahit sa pinaka-maliit na paraan. Kahit na hindi ko pansin na may magandang epekto yung buhay ko sa kanila... That I may reflect HIS light and that I may be used to lead them in knowing HIM... that they will turn thier back from the pattern of this world...

Pero grabe, kabikabila ang immorality, new age and post modern point of view, bisyo, transference ng "kakaibang" culture from the other line... at iba pa... and here's the sad part: they all think IT'S OKAY! It seems to me everybody is doing "it".

I even received this fwd text message saying:
"lesson for today--
Never commit the same mistake again...

maraming ibang kasalanan jan, i-try mo naman!"

gusto kong patulan yung nag-text eh... haayyy... ibang level tlga!

I remember my brother when he was new sa UP, he was getting frustrated with the "different" point of view na nakakasalamuha sa campus that he told me he want to transfer to a different University by next semester. So I told him-- "How can you reach out and minister to other people if you would always cover and hide yourself sa church and community of believers? How will those people know HIM through you if you will avoid them?"

At ngayon I feel like I need to remind my self that! Parang I'm torn between (hmmm...) leaving this world (?) at mag-iba na ng karera.. Pero, pero, pero I know that God made it clear to me why He placed me here. At wala naman akong magagawa but to submit and obey Him...

I guess eto lang tlga yung mga moment na na-kakalungkot at feeling ko kailangan ko nga matinding encouragement to go on... Ni wala akong kasama dito na pwede kong ma-sheran ng burden na 'to...

It is not like I'm giving up, thinking that the enemy won... the battle has been won, thousand years ago, and besides, the battle is the Lord's... Sobrang nalulungkot lang tlga ako now. As in aaarrggghhh! Naiiyak lang talaga ako...

I may not know when, but one thing I am sure of-- HIS name will be glorified kung ano man ang kalabasan nito...

(isa pang malalim na... buntung hininga)
haaayyyy...

It isn't over til it's over

"It isn't over 'til it's over"

That was one of the most resounding and unforgettable remarks given by the Lawyer we spoke with earlier... and I totally agree!

I firmly believe that things are happening according to HIS plans and according to HIS purpose.

I do feel that he's hurting over the fact that she seemed to have given up or seemed to be playing games or doing some ego trip or what ever...

And the reality that he has to deal with so many issues with his life and all... Whew! Parang blow by blow...

Somehow I knew that it would come to this... God gave me a warning during camp when one of the campers was crying over the so called "break-up"... uhm, let's not talk about that!

Bast ang alam ko... It's not yet over! Couldn't help but remember the song...

"Here we are still together
We are one
So much time wasted
Playing games with love

So many tears I've cried
So much pain inside
But baby It ain't over 'til it's over
So many years we've tried
To keep our love alive
But baby it ain't over 'til it's over

How many times
Did we give up
But we always worked things out
And all my doubts and fears
Kept me wondering, yeah
If I'd always, always be in love

So many tears I've cried
So much pain inside
But baby It ain't over 'til it's over
So many years we've tried
And kept our love alive
'Cause baby it ain't
over 'til it's over

So many tears I've cried
So much pain inside
Baby It ain't over 'til it's over
So many years we've tried
And kept our love alive
'Cause baby it ain't
over 'til it's over

So many tears I've cried
So much pain inside
Baby It ain't over 'til it's over
So many years we've tried
And kept our love alive
'Cause baby it ain't
over 'til it's over
Over, over, over.

So many tears I've cried
So much pain inside
But baby It ain't over 'til it's over
So many years we've tried
To kept our love alive
'Cause baby it ain't
over 'til it's over
Over, over, over

So many tears I've cried
So much pain inside
Baby It ain't over 'til it's over"

So ayun, as much as I would like to ask God to take away the pain that you are feeling/experiencing right now-- HE has other plans! My only prayer is that these experience would draw you (and her) closer to HIM, that HE would reveal more of Himself to you... And that you would learn more wonderful things behind all of this hurtful and traumatic experience... At the end of it all... HIS name will be glorified! It isn't over 'til it's over...

"We love because he first loved us." - 1 John 4:19

I love you Kuya... but indeed, HIS love is far greater than any other love this world could offer!

I'm bleeding!

It's been a week since we started our training for Escrow Dispute Routes.

At eto lang ang masasabi ko-- NOSE BLEED SYA!!!

I mean, I feel so privileged to be part of this function kasi sobrang mahirap (as in pinaka-mahirap daw sya na function according to our CAP) at sobrang nakakapag-pagana ng braincells,
pero aaarrrggghhh... dugu-duguan na kaming mga newbies!

masyadong mabusisi, super subjective to the highest level...
at case to case basis pa...
tapos buti sana kung e/a to e/a lang!
eh kaso may e/a to HUD-1 scenario pa
at bukod pa dun may e/a to e/a na hindi 12mos ang generation date eksena pa...

waaaahhhh!!! parang ayoko na ah... pero mas ayoko namang bumalik sa Pime (hahaha! na-mimis ko sila pero ayokong bumalik sa 8hrs on the phones, hehe).
So sabi ko nga eh, sige lang, GO! aja-aja fighting lang ako dito!

haaayyyness...

(sorry if im speaking jargons... kailangan ko talagang mag-vent out...)

Lord... guide me!!! waaaahhhh!!