crying over you

I really can't believe I'm crying over you... All of you, people of my world!

Hindi naman ako ganito dati eh, wala naman akong paki-alam sa inyo kung ano mga ginagwa nyo as long as hindi naman ako involve, care bears lang.

But still, I couldn't help but praise HIM, because HE is so good, He is so wonderful and He is sovereign... Because He is teaching me to love them, and care for them... for their souls... for their brokenness... and most especially, He is teaching me to pray for them more and more!

At sobrang na-bu-burden ako! Iniiyakan ko sila... anu ba 'to...

I have been praying that I may be able to minister to them kahit sa pinaka-maliit na paraan. Kahit na hindi ko pansin na may magandang epekto yung buhay ko sa kanila... That I may reflect HIS light and that I may be used to lead them in knowing HIM... that they will turn thier back from the pattern of this world...

Pero grabe, kabikabila ang immorality, new age and post modern point of view, bisyo, transference ng "kakaibang" culture from the other line... at iba pa... and here's the sad part: they all think IT'S OKAY! It seems to me everybody is doing "it".

I even received this fwd text message saying:
"lesson for today--
Never commit the same mistake again...

maraming ibang kasalanan jan, i-try mo naman!"

gusto kong patulan yung nag-text eh... haayyy... ibang level tlga!

I remember my brother when he was new sa UP, he was getting frustrated with the "different" point of view na nakakasalamuha sa campus that he told me he want to transfer to a different University by next semester. So I told him-- "How can you reach out and minister to other people if you would always cover and hide yourself sa church and community of believers? How will those people know HIM through you if you will avoid them?"

At ngayon I feel like I need to remind my self that! Parang I'm torn between (hmmm...) leaving this world (?) at mag-iba na ng karera.. Pero, pero, pero I know that God made it clear to me why He placed me here. At wala naman akong magagawa but to submit and obey Him...

I guess eto lang tlga yung mga moment na na-kakalungkot at feeling ko kailangan ko nga matinding encouragement to go on... Ni wala akong kasama dito na pwede kong ma-sheran ng burden na 'to...

It is not like I'm giving up, thinking that the enemy won... the battle has been won, thousand years ago, and besides, the battle is the Lord's... Sobrang nalulungkot lang tlga ako now. As in aaarrggghhh! Naiiyak lang talaga ako...

I may not know when, but one thing I am sure of-- HIS name will be glorified kung ano man ang kalabasan nito...

(isa pang malalim na... buntung hininga)
haaayyyy...