#TiisPaMore

And so I came home form work today very tired, not because of heavy work load but because of heavy traffic na inabot ng more than an hour from Estrella-EDSA to our apartment here in Mandaluyong. Sa sobrang kapaguran, I found myself crying habang namamalansta ng damit ni John. I couldn't help but cry kasi how I really wish I could have the time freedom that I've been longing for for the past few months.

Yung tipong hindi ko na kailangang magmadali kapag dating ko from work kasi I need to prepare our dinner, John's things for office and then I would struggle to sleep early because I have work the following day pa. Yung tipong I can sleep ng mga minimum 10hrs everyday since ang laki-laki ng utang kong pahinga sa sarili ko. Yung tipong John and I would have more time together, specially in our quiet time as a couple, more bonding and all. Yung tipong I am just managing a businss wherein hawak ko yung oras ko. Yung tipong dahil well rested ako, I'll have more energy for the ministry that I'm involved with. Yung ganun.  I guess I can say, yun ang pina-pangarap ko ngayon. TIME FREEDOM.

Pero hindi pa pwede sa ngayon. And even though it's a sad reality, I know I have to persevere. I have to continue trusting on the Lord for His plans for our life.

I'm thinking it's my PMS week, kaya siguro nag-e-emo na naman ako.

Oh well, I know I'll get through this by God's unlimited grace. Kaya for now tiis-tiis pa more! 

On waiting and trusting Him

A growth group member shared in our viber group chat a concern she has at work. I said I'll pray for her and reminded her of our lesson last Saturday in Romans 8:28 where it said that in good times or bad, all things are working together for the good-- being made in Christ-likeness, being changed from glory to glory-- of those called to salvation by God, those people who love Him. And while I type those words, I am also speaking to myself. 

I am struggling with the fact that I have to endure being on a 10 am to 7 pm schedule at work. That is the worst schedule that the management could give me because it will basically compromise our (John and I) time together since he works at night. By the time I arrive home, he needs to leave na.  By the time he arrives home in the morning, I need to leave na otherwise I'll be late because of the traffic. And so because of all these factors, I struggle and find myself feeling like I want to resign na talaga, as in if only I could, I'd submit an immediate resignation. BUT it's also clear, given our current financial situation that I cannot afford to quit working as of yet. 

So for now, I am praying that God will allow me to see things in His perspective. Just as His word said, it is certain that this change of schedule did not go about without His approval or just by chance, kasi sabi sa word Nya "all things work together for good" so this is not an exception. I have to accept that every moment as I trust in Him and wait upon His perfect timing when will I be able to leave my job. I have to trust Him because He knows what He is doing with my life. 

Wait for the Lord;
be strong, and let your heart take courage;
wait for the Lord!
-Psalm 27:14

Making memories with him

John and I have been married for 2 years and 8 months today. Wala lang. Hahaha!

Early this evening when he played spotify, the first song that played was "The Way You Look tonight" by Michael Buble. And if you know that song, you know how romantic it is to dance it away with someone you love. Hahaha! And so inaya ko sya sumayaw kami (sway sway ba while hugging each other). Ayaw pa nya kunwari but he obliged din naman ng konti. And that I find really cute and sweet of him. Silly things that we do (or should I say, I do to him. Haha) when we're together. I love it and I will forever cherish having those kind of sweet moments with him.

Before he left for work, I shared to him my quiet time this morning in Psalm 18:25 where David said "To the faithful You show Yourself faithful, to the blameless You show Yourself blameless,..." and how I realized that indeed it's true that when God's children are aligned to God's heart and will and when we obey Him faithfully, kitang kita natin ang pagiging faithful Nya. But when we go against Him and resist and disobey, ang feeling natin kay Lord unfair Sya. And then John said in reply: "May sasabihin ako tungkol dyan bukas."  To which I answered: "Ano iyo?" sumagot uli sya: "Bukas na ba ngayon?"  And then we both laughed! It's just sweet. I find it really sweet!

I love making memories with him. I really am thankful to the Lord He led me to John.

(Que music: ♫ How sweet it is to be loved by you! ♥ )

Looking forward for more and more memories with my hubby dear! 

Physically Tired

I feel so tired and I feel like I owe a debt to myself in terms of quality rest. L

I realized for this month, I’ve been actively involved in the ministry, and I mean more active than the usual… which I enjoyed and I’m grateful to God for, for the opportunities given to me serving Him and His people! From the youth camp on April 30 to May 3, then Connect Agents’ Day on May 16 and then Connect Leaders’ Retreat last weekend, May23-24. Hataw na hataw lang ang peg ko. Hehe. I love it! But I think because of my age (yuck ang tanda ko na!) and because of having to deal with vertigo, I feel very, very tired!

To the point that, I feel like sleeping longer and not go to work. Hahaha! J Pero hindi pwede, dahil sa vertigo ko na umubos ng leaves ko first quarter pa lang ng taon na ito, I cannot afford to file leaves kundi ma-sa-sacrifice ko mga ganap ko sa mga susunod na buwan.

Haaay… What to do?

Lord, allow me to rest in You and kahit na struggle din ang pag enjoy ko sa quiet time ko everyday this week, I pray that You’ll still open my heart and mind to Your word and enable me to obey You wholeheartedly. And sana Lord wala kami pasok on June 12, para maka-rest ako… J

Being Groomed by Christ

Just want to share a photo of our growth group. 

(L-R seated) Alex, Clark and Diane
(L-R standing) Gold, myself, Fhang and She

Connect-Being Groomed by Christ (B.G.C.) Taken last weekend when we had our Leader's Retreat at Mt. Makiling Recreation Center in Sto. Tomas, Batangas.

I will probably have a separate entry for that.

For now, good night! 

Going Back

Today, I realized I want to go back blogging my thoughts and feelings!

I want to go back kahit na mas madali mag-express ng sarili (as easy as on touch or one click) at mas maraming “audience” sa facebook. Baka kasi masyado na ako nag-e-enjoy sa mga LIKES and comments to the point na baka yun na ang pinaka motive ko—to get attention to myself.

And so here I am, going back on being on low profile. Naks!

Sorry my dear blog, I have neglected you for few years now but I will try my very best to be intentional in updating you more often starting today. A lot of things happened and the thing is, I do not know where to start. Nyahahaha!

For now, here are few things that I’ve been up to:

1.       Early this year, I turned over the growth group leadership of Connect-B.G.C. (formerly Connect-Taguig) to my brother in Christ, Alex Manipon. It’s been both a joy and a struggle. JOY – because finally, a man has stepped up and has taken over the leadership. As how God designed it, lalake talaga dapat ang leader. Paul said in scripture that he does not permit a woman to have authority over a man. And yun ang pinaka basis namin why we both agreed and prayed for him to take over the leadership of our growth group. STRUGGLE – because since I led the group from the start, it’s not easy for me to totally let go of the leadership.  That there are still instances that I tend to be too controlling over Alex. Which I know very well that I shouldn’t be doing. It’s in my nature to lead and yes, have authority over a man especially when I know na I’m ahead of him in terms of my relationship with the Lord BUT I’m working on, by God’s grace, toning down and just be his back up help so he can continuously step up and really fulfill his role as my leader. Mahirap kaya sya struggle pero I know naman God is at work, kailangan ko lang maging “in step with the Holy Spirit” para less sablay. One of the things I’m very grateful for is that Alex is very patient and very humble. I do not deserve his patience and grace but he is the way he is and I thank God for that. I’m praying that the Lord will find me faithful in really stepping down, totally letting go and completely trusting HIM as He leads Alex to lead us in our growth group.

2.       Also for this year, I have been given the wonderful privilege of leading a youth growth group. At first I was scared because I have no proper trainings in dealing with teen agers BUT by God’s grace and according to the four young ladies who are part of my Y-Group, they are enjoying my company. I do not know why and how, all I know that it is because of God’s grace that I manage and managing to relate with them. The members of my Y-Group are Bethel, Shane, Arielle and Iris all are half my age! Nyahaha! Lakas maka-oldie feeling! But I love them all; they are the ones who bring so much joy in my heart these days. I’m praying that God will continue to enable me to lead and usher them to Himself alone. Ang take ko sa pagbibigay sa akin ni Lord nitong new role na ito ay parang He’s given me a second chance to be better. Na yung mga sablay ko in the past towards my GG members, with my disciples, hindi ko na magawa this time around. I pray I wouldn’t blow this "second chance."

3.       January this year, I celebrated my 8^th year anniversary with my employer, JP Morgan Chase Bank. If I have blogged last year around December I would have written here that I want to resign na. Like I said, marami na ang nangyari… But now, I’m still with Chase. Although I’m looking forward na for this year, it will be my last year na. Still praying for God’s wisdom and provision if He will allow me to leave the corporate world to pursue a different career which is the next item.

4.       My disciple-Sister in Christ-accountability partner and I will be partnering on an online business. We will be selling clothes in Instagram anytime soon! If you have an IG account, please follow us @sistersinchristmnla and watch out for beautiful pieces for your OOTD. Our motto (hashtag) will be #ModestyIsOur Policy and for now, yan muna ang details. Hehehe.

And it feels good to be able to share few updates about myself here. More to come sa mga susunod pang araw! Let’s do this Rajsh!

Thank You Lord for this! J

My desire

I feel like I'm a repeater. A lot have happened. But one thing remains clear to me: I want to be a better person.

My the Lord my God, continue to mold me in His likeness, for His glory. Amen.